Konnichiwa!
This time I am showing you my writing, which is super cool, and kinda weird.
We had these images we have to write about.
Soooo... wanna see my writing?
I think my writing is okay, but if I could pick my own images from the web, it would be amazing.
To improve, maybe I could've just added more detail in general, but I kinda like how it sounds as it is.
What could I improve on with my writing?
Are my ideas alright?
What do you think of when you see these pictures?
Image Source
Cya later, have a nice day!
🦊
Hi Amelia! My name is Mia, as you know. WOW! Awesome work! Both stories are really good. I really liked the way that you used lot's of descriptive language and described with every detail of the 5 senses.
ReplyDeleteI did the underwater one, and the cat one. The cat one for mine was about looking in my grandma's attic and finding these cat dolls perched on a cardboard box. Your ideas are really good! They are really interesting. What else would you have done to make your writing better? Or if you had the freedom to choose what to write about?
To improve your writing, maybe you could try adding in some more descriptive language in your second piece of writing. I also think you should put some paragraphing.
Great work!
Mia
Hi Mia!
DeleteThanks for commenting.
Its cool that you did the cat one too, it must be pretty popular as I know Olivia did it too!
To make my writing better I would add personification and metaphors.
If I had the freedom to write about what I wanted, such as writing from a perspective of a cat or dog, I would've gotten it done quicker, and it would have been more detailed.
Thanks again for commenting!
-Amelia
Well done Amelia. I know how much you like writing and this proves that you have a fertile imagination that you are able to represent with that tricky invention called the English language.
ReplyDeleteIf I may suggest something: Please consider breaking your wonderful writing into paragraphs as this gives the reader an opportunity to contemplate what you have writtine. It makes the writing less dense.
I am really looking forward to you sharing some more of your writing over the next few weeks. I would also love to discover what you read as I suspect you are a voracious reader.
Hi Mr Robertson!
DeleteThanks for commenting.
If I can suggest something, please reread your comments, don't be so rushed.
Writtine, is that really a word?
I am currently reading part of the inheritance series by Christopher Paolini, so far I'm on book 2, Eldest.
Thanks again for commenting!
-Amelia
Kia ora Amelia,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your writing. I especially enjoyed the first story, the choices you made in the descriptive writing was wonderful, lots of ispace and senses, which made me very happy.
I agree, the second story could have had a bit more description. I wonder if the characters needed a bit more development around their facial expressions to share feelings as just the clothes they were wearing. I also agree with Mr Robertson that paragraphs would make both stories even more powerful.
Keep up the wonderful writing Amelia. I can see how you are growing to be a solid Level 4 writer.
Ngā mihi,
Mrs Spragg
Hi Mrs Spragg!
DeleteThanks for commenting.
I have been trying to do paragraphs in my more recent writing.
I agree that the characters need more development in the second story.
Thanks again for commenting!
-Amelia